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Traits of Men Who Love Well
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    Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. Colossians 3:19

    I was talking to a “seasoned saint” who lamented about her son once again falling head over heels for a girl he recently met.  She said, “I think he sees how well his father treats me so he’s eager to do the same.”

    Good boy.

    Then I spoke with another woman who feels disregarded in her own home. While she loves her husband and sons dearly, his interaction lacks warmth and often affection. He is unapologetic when she tries to explain she needs him to communicate with her differently. It’s not just herself she’s concerned about.  She admits, “The way my husband speaks with me makes me concerned about how my boys will treat their future wives.”

    The difference in these households are beyond personalities; they are displays of men who love well.

    And the ones who don’t.

    Let me be clear: someone can really love you but not love you well.

    Women can’t expect a man to be perfect – after all, we aren’t. But as we all are conformed into the image of Christ, there should be evidence of our crucified flesh, right? No, it may not be flagrant sin that is problematic with your mate – or a potential one. However, old thought patterns and behaviors unresolved hinder present relationships. Strongholds are built over time and no matter how much we love God, we cannot love others well until the power of our inner false narratives are broken.

    For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:4-5

    Here are five traits of men who love well. Sidebar — I ain’t saying if your boo don’t have all five he ain’t right! But these are simply some general biblical truths that we should be mindful of:

    Men who love well live by God’s Word. There are some men who use the Bible to scare their mate into submission. God doesn’t instruct a man to use His Word as a weapon to browbeat a woman.  Don’t be fooled; a man rightfully interpreting the Bible will not misalign scripture to manipulate your behavior or strike fear into your heart.

    Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. Titus 2:15

    Proper application of the Word of God matters.

    Men who love well have a healthy view of themselves. Just like a woman who doesn’t love herself, a man cannot properly love a woman if he does not love himself in a way that lines up with God’s will and His commands.

    So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. Ephesians 5:28-29

    A man who has little self-worth cannot value yours. After all, we can’t give away what we ourselves don’t have…including love.

    Men who love well are sacrificial – not selfish. The apostle Paul explained love is not self-seeking.

    Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5

    Love requires maturity. A child cries, “me, me, me!” but a person with emotional maturity knows love requires putting others before yourself. A man who cannot sacrifice has not put away childish things. (See 1 Corinthians 13:11-12.)

    Men who love well want to be the spiritual head of their family. This has nothing to do with status. In an age where many women have a higher educational status than their mate – and yes, may make more money – this doesn’t negate the ability for your mate to be the spiritual leader of his house. It’s God’s design.

    For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Ephesians 5:23.

    We can be equal in our intelligence, personal power and faith as our spouses/partners. A man leading has to do with His position before God – not him ruling over you like he’s your daddy!  By our innate design we are natural at nurturing but a man you have to “son” has no desire to take on his God-ordained position in the home.

    Men who love well are emotionally generous.  Men may not show their own emotions but they will acknowledge yours. 1 Peter 3:7 admonishes husbands to deal with their wives with understanding that their own prayers won’t be hindered. When your man treats you how God intends, it’s a win-win for the both of you.

    As women, we tend to be fixers. We don’t mind if someone doesn’t have it all together – we can help them! We should but only God can truly change a person’s heart. If you have a mate that doesn’t love well, surrender them into the hand of God. I heard a pastor once say, “Pray and let God knock them in the head!”  Nothing is too hard for God (Jeremiah 32:27), but it’s impossible for anyone to change another person. For my single sister, look for these attributes while you date. When you date sloppy –accepting anything – you may settle for less when the opportunity comes for a marriage commitment.

    The quest is not seeking perfection but a man who has a perfect heart for God. They will have their struggles and need further growth – that’s okay. But if they have attributes that mirror God’s intention for godly men, the foundation is there for a powerful partnership.