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  • Can Serial Cheaters Change_

    God can give a word in any situation – including the world of ratchet reality television. I pondered His commands this last Monday night. Despite the many brain cells I probably lost and the Holy Spirit reminding me there are better ways to use my time, I found myself caught up. As the seventh season of Love & Hip-Hop Atlanta premiered, we found out what we all knew from the blogs.

    Kirk Frost is that baby’s pappy.

    After many times of stepping out on his lovely wife Rasheeda, this time an innocent child is a life-long reminder of his philandering ways. If you watched last season, we witnessed a woman Jasmine claiming he was the father of her son, Cannon. Yes, I know love and perseverance are fruits of the Spirit – but chile, how long is Rasheeda going to be longsuffering?

    I mean, I get it. She loves her husband. Okay. But at some point, isn’t enough enough?

    Let’s be clear. While it’s not God’s perfect will for divorce (Malachi 2:16), He graciously understands when it is time to opt out – although it should never be for just any random reason.

    The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 19:3-6.

    Nevertheless, there are situations where God’s permissible will provides permission to get ghost. In fact, Jesus addressed the issue of divorce and infidelity in Matthew 5:3-32. Albeit Rasheeda has taken a step forward by filing for legal separation, we all know the possible outcome.

    She may let Kirk come back home.

    Sigh.

    Rasheeda is consistently dragged for continuing to put up with Kirk’s shenanigans. The two have also been accused of faking this storyline for the show. Yet if this situation is real, we wonder what Rasheeda is thinking. It’s not like she isn’t a catch; a savvy business woman, physically attractive, an attentive loving mother. What more could Kirk want?

    I believe infidelity is more about the cheater than the person on the other end. Of course, issues such as relationship dissatisfaction, situational problems and even a lack of sex may be excuses used to validate cheating. Yet, previous behavior in relationships can be a foretelling of what’s to come. In fact, a study last year out of the University of Denver titled, “Once a Cheater Always a Cheater” concluded that a partner who cheats before marriage is three times more likely to cheat in a later relationship than one who stayed true. *

    So, can a serial cheater be reformed? Yes – but the one who strays is responsible for making the change.

    Here’s what we need to remember. Rasheeda – and anyone else facing adultery – have to decide what they’re going to do. No one can change another person or force them to be faithful.

    The bangin’ body can’t convert him.

    The bedroom acrobatic skills are a non-factor.

    And no matter how great a wife or mother a woman is, that may not keep their mate from straying.

    Becoming a faithful partner takes more than an “I’m sorry” gift or a fleeting moment of guilt. A serial cheater can only be reformed by:

    Repentance with a new course of action. To repent means to turn from sin and dedicate oneself to the process of making a life change. In other words, repentance requires work. We ask God to forgive our sins – which is a start. Repentance must be followed up by taking actual steps that will contribute to a new way of living.

    Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. James 4: 8

    Renewal of the mind. None of us can live a new life with an old way of thinking (Romans 12:2). The mind of an adulterer is set upon vices of the flesh. In order for Kirk – or any other serial cheater – to create new thoughts, they must be transformed in their mind and bring vain imaginations captive under the Lord’s authority (2 Corinthians 3:5). Another step they can take? Guard their eyes.

    But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.  Matthew 5:28

    Look, if you ain’t blind, you will recognize fineness. I get it – but don’t linger while looking! Glance and keep it movin’.

    Reformation of character. We are quick to revamp our outer appearance through a change of wardrobe, weight loss or any other alternative fix. Not a bad thing. In order to have a new life that includes godly decisions, change must occur on the inside. Nobody can do it on their own but only through humble obedience, submission to biblical truth and the Holy Spirit.

    I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh.  Galatians 5:16-17

    If you are in a similar situation, you are only responsible for your response. The decision to fight for your marriage is a personal one – but it can be won. However, it also requires your partner to step up and do the work to restore the relationship. Continue to pray for direction but remember: you cannot change another person.

    So when it comes to LHHATL, only God can change Kirk – but only with his cooperation. Rasheeda, you  in our prayers, boo.

     

    (Source: Collins, Lois. “Is the phrase ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’ actually true?” Deseret News, Deseret News Publishing. 2 October 2017. Web. 23 March 2018. /Photo credit: screenshots via Vh1)